I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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