i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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