Tell her she can't have a vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
