In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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