I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
