I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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