Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
