Where did you get a picture of my penis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
