I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
