Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she looked like the before picture.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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