normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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