Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
