Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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