pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
