You made me cry and you don't even care
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
