My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize