You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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