I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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