____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
