How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
