Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
