I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
