I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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