i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
