i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
