Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He passed out mid-signature
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
