I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
