I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
