arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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