I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
