I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just pee around me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
