how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
