i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
