I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize