My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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