I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
