when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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