he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
