It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
