they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
