Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
