mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
