dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
