This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
