Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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