dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
