i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
