Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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