he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
