And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
