Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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