I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
