I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
