The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
