i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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