All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
