R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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