If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she looked like the before picture.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
