He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
